For all the couples who cannot publicly celebrate today...taboo couples, couples in hiding, couples who cannot speak of their existence: I hope you celebrate your love proudly and fully today. For the beautiful unification that you are, the ability to love beyond society’s norms; be it gender, race, social status, disapproval, or last name; the capacity to pave paths unwalked, and the belief in something greater than eyes know.

I am just far too much sometimes. Too much of a lot things. Too much that I can completely understand that in these years of my becoming, why no one could last too long near me. Why things couldn’t hold onto me.

I Am Too Much.

To heal through my breakup, I did a variety of research; to dismantle my experience and understand a world outside mine. One of them, was to learn of heartbreaks other than mine, to see amazing people survive out of these dark times. Dark times that were even darker than mine; because someone will always have it worse. I found my way to befriending Hmong women of all ages, of all stories. Stories that were always sad and pitiful, until after my heartbreak, were now heart-shattering, gut-wrenching, and real. So painfully real. Although my words won't do them justice, may I please write this one for them.

"In order to heal, we must first forgive...and sometimes the person we must forgive...is ourselves." -Mila Bron To let go of the past and move on, is to be able to forgive all that has been done. To start a fresh, new year, a lot of letting go must be done. So here goes.

I forgive myself this year.

I forgive myself for being responsible in breaking my own heart.

Yesterday was #NationalComingOutDay and I could only admire in silence, all the stories of triumph, bravery and self-acceptance that the individuals I have been blessed to know, have lived through. An experience that I know even a 63,206 Facebook post character limit couldn't do justice to. But I realize, I never got to live my 'coming out' day.

Because for the longest time, I couldn't find a place to belong. And so I confided in the stories I'd see on the news that most hit home for me--the stories of the LGBTQ community.

Sometimes, when someone you love leaves, trauma makes you only remember the good things. The perfect, rose-colored glass picture. And somehow the blame can only hover over you. But it's never that way (in most cases). It always takes two. Sometimes, we have to be honest with ourselves. After the storm has calmed, to do our best to remember if we were truly happy. Because if you find yourself trapped in a dark place filled with endless reasons why you are unlovable, I need you to do this to save yourself.