Gymnastic fanatics and non-fanatics alike, have seen Hmong-American gymnast Sunisa Lee, making waves with her recent win at the 2019 U.S. National Gymnastics Championships. 

And ever since, it seems our social media feeds, and hearts, have been raving her name across all platforms. 

We’ve been seeing a lot of firsts from our Hmong community in the past few years….first Gerber baby, first judge, first female firefighter, first dancer, first…

But, Sunisa’s first Hmong gymnast win brought on a different feeling from the rest and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I think all our lives our parents have reminded us that part of “success” meant finding the one and settling down, and with the help (or not help) of relatives, we’ve heard a million renditions of what constitutes as “the one” even though often times, neither our parents nor relatives have really reached their own relationship idealisms, or more so, their idealisms do not match the standards of our new generation.

Because many of us were raised on relationship expectations that put us into boxes as “man and woman,” and as “dictating and submissive.”

And despite us running as far from it as we can, it still takes us a lifetime to shake off the examples we’ve seen in marriage and relationships.

Causing us to perhaps wonder if what we are asking for is too much, too unrealistic, and too rare.

Self-love is trending more than ever, especially with Valentine’s coming up. Nonetheless, I believe it will never be overrated. 

Because self-love is so much more than just face masks and bubble baths. It is the key to a happy and healthy life. It equips you with the healthy self-esteem to have a peaceful and strong mindset, to endure adversity, to know your worth and the people deserving of your presence, and the flexibility to be genuinely happy in your highs, and the strength to bounce back from your lows. Self-love allows us to be kinder and more compassionate to ourselves, and in turn, it teaches us to be kinder and more compassionate to others. 

I had imagine this day for so long—the day I would venture back to our “homeland” of Laos, hand-in-hand with my parents, for them to show me all the places they grew up in, to show me what home meant and what it looked like to them.

What I thought would be a welcoming to my roots—a reunion with the lost parts of myself, was a welcoming to the reminder that we have always never belonged, and have always never been welcomed.

What was supposed to be a trip for my father to finally show us all the things he loved about his home, all the places in the stories he’s told, became another scar to remind him that this place was no longer home.

A morbid beginning, but I think from a young age, I learned what death meant; I learned how much our lives were structured around this moment; I learned that you needed people, I learned the importance of family, I learned the feeling of loving and giving, hurting and not receiving, but also the power of being the example you wanted. I know life gets busy, I know showing up at family events and helping out feels like you give more than you get in return, and I know being there feels useless at times...

I believe our twenties, is the time when we come to realize each day that everything we thought we knew about life, is no longer true, and that in order to become, sometimes we need to unbecome.

In order to learn and grow, we have to unlearn everything we once knew.

In all ordinary aspects of our lives, as well as the extraordinary.