"In order to heal, we must first forgive...and sometimes the person we must forgive...is ourselves." -Mila Bron To let go of the past and move on, is to be able to forgive all that has been done. To start a fresh, new year, a lot of letting go must be done. So here goes.

I forgive myself this year.

I forgive myself for being responsible in breaking my own heart.

Yesterday was #NationalComingOutDay and I could only admire in silence, all the stories of triumph, bravery and self-acceptance that the individuals I have been blessed to know, have lived through. An experience that I know even a 63,206 Facebook post character limit couldn't do justice to. But I realize, I never got to live my 'coming out' day.

Because for the longest time, I couldn't find a place to belong. And so I confided in the stories I'd see on the news that most hit home for me--the stories of the LGBTQ community.

Sometimes, when someone you love leaves, trauma makes you only remember the good things. The perfect, rose-colored glass picture. And somehow the blame can only hover over you. But it's never that way (in most cases). It always takes two. Sometimes, we have to be honest with ourselves. After the storm has calmed, to do our best to remember if we were truly happy. Because if you find yourself trapped in a dark place filled with endless reasons why you are unlovable, I need you to do this to save yourself.

It is almost safe to say that ever since you left, I have been sick for so many days and I have cried almost every of those days. Even if the heart & mind wants to forget, the body always remembers. The trauma that is left upon it. I guess you can also say that is my body resetting. Reclaiming what is mine. Like how a chiropractor may leave your body aching even more after resetting your joints and muscles. Because you don’t realize the gradual damage that has been done to it. Now it’s time to reset it again.

Healing comes in waves.