The Truth About Figuring It Out

When I was in high school, I always thought adults had it all figured out. And I thought that when I became one, I would too. I would listen to the guest speakers that came, and be in awe of the way they spoke about what they do or want to do. And it felt like everyone but me was just so sure of themselves. As if they all woke up one day, with a clear vision of who they are.

And I would wake up each day, trying to do the same. Trying everything and anything, to find my calling, to magically hear a clear bell that would ring to tell me something was mine, that it was meant for me.

I thought that time would come in college, where my horizons would expand.

College came, and I felt more lost than ever. 

Then I thought post-grad would bring me that epiphany. But it was a chapter with no syllabi, no map of which way to go. 

Eventually, I quit my 9-5 and became my own boss–you know, the ultimate dream. I thought I finally made it to the other side and it would solve everything. 

But four years later, at age twenty-nine, I find myself just as lost again. Lost at what to introduce myself as, how to explain to people what I do, yet alone what I want to do. Sometimes, I find myself panicking. Because 30 is only one year away, and I always imagined that I would’ve had it all figured out by now. 

But I’ve come to realize that when it comes to “figuring it out,” there’s only one thing that has always been true. 

It’s that no one ever really figures it out. No one ever really knows.

And maybe we’re not supposed to know. Because life is not meant to be known. It is meant to be lived. 

I think the secret is just accepting and making peace with living in uncertainty. Being okay with not knowing what comes next. And not letting that fear rob you of the present.

So do that thing, the thing that has always come easy to you. The one that lights you up. Or that thing you’ve always wanted to try. Just do anything and everything. Because the most important thing is that you try. Because if we each keep pushing at our own crafts, we keep our light alive. The light that ends up lighting the way for all of us.

And if we cross paths one day, maybe let’s not ask each other what we do. Instead, ask me what I love. Because then I’ll get to really tell you.

That I just love being creative. And doing anything that I want to do.  And I just love any chance I get, to be the main character of my own life, to be a person I am proud of, one that I admire and that I’m happy to be.

And maybe that's really all we need.