When Good People Break Up

I used to think that people only break up because one person was bad--that was the black and white world of young me. Because why would two good people who cared for each other, ever need to give up on each other?  Why be alone, when you could just be together? And if you’re both good, then what could be so bad?

25 years old and two long term relationships later, I’m blessed enough to know that, that is possible. That love and relationships are so complex and so dynamic, that any scenario you could think of and never think of, can happen. 

Because humans are like that. We are so complex that even we can’t understand our own selves to the fullest, so how could another?

And that is why, only the two involved will understand what happened and why things had to happen best—and I am sure even to them, it is still a blur. 

No one wants to be heartbroken, no one wants to be alone.

But there comes a point when we have done all that we can, and a choice has to be made, to just do the next right thing.

And unfortunately even when two good people have found each other, they may not get to keep each other. 

Some will say, “that’s because you just didn’t fight hard enough, you didn’t want it bad enough to make it work.”

I will never have the right answer for each person. 

But with time alone, I know you will learn the answer for yourselves.

For some, they will realize they could never live life the same without the other person.

And for some, we will learn that we needed this exact relationship, with this very person to happen, but not for it to last.

That it wouldn’t serve either of us to hold on, and to continue would just provide us comfort, not growth.

Because even good people are not perfect, and even good people can hurt one another, and even good people feel lost and don’t have the answers. 

Good people can outgrow each other. They can realize that they now need things in a relationship that they never knew they valued when they started.

Good people can be overwhelmed with the storms inside them that they can’t hold a loving space for someone else right now. They can be pressured by the demands of the world that have nothing to do with their person, and everything to do with life.

Good people can have toxic habits. They can have trauma they have not faced yet. They can still be learning and struggling to love themselves.

Good people can make poor decisions, they can act out of character, and they can say things they don’t mean. Because good people can be hurt people too.

Two good people can even be decent together—and still not be right for each other. 

Two good people may have needed each other, to get through certain chapters that only they could have survived through together—and still need to move onto separate chapters for the wholeness of their life’s novel. 

Two good people with different values will be like a shoe that is uncomfortable because it no longer fits.

Two good people whose natural sources of happiness collide will be like two fishes out of water.

So good people can break up. Good people can start over. Good people can be forgiven and forgive themselves. Good people can take the time, space, and do what they need to do to heal.

And good people can try again.

Try again, when you know what you need most. Try one more time, when you know yourself much better. Try when you find the one who makes you love what you see now and not what you imagine their potential to be. Try again until it feels right. But try again when you are ready, and never stop trying for the one person you should never give up on: yourself.

Send a little love, to the good people hurting today. ♥